Mrs. America 2011

Mrs. America 2011 Preliminaries

“I am a sergeant in this army of luggage carriers.”

-Captain America

            I have to say I was shocked and honored when Elaine Marmel of the Mrs. America Organization extended an invitation for me to co-host the preliminary round of competition of the 2011 Mrs. America Pageant at the historic Greenbrier Resort in White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia.

I almost missed rehearsal, as I was overlooked when the memo went out clearly not a good sign- but I ran in at the last second in my gym clothes and found my marks. Since it was a special occasion I decided to have my hair and makeup professionally done. Four hours later I squeezed into a dress that fit me when I arrived, approximately six banana splits, two bottles of wine, one apple pie and a chicken pot pie ago and wobbled downstairs to the auditorium. I knew I looked good when Kevin, our stage assistant, introduced himself to me even though we had spent an entire morning working two feet from one another.

I was more than nervous to look onto the front row and find Florence Henderson, the host of the televised pageant, gazing up at me. If it isn’t hard enough trying to be cute and witty with my on stage improvisation, keeping my gut pulled in for fear of exploding from my dress and not tripping on the miles of tulle underneath my hem, I now had to add the “Mrs. Brady” factor.  She and my husband Captain America have a long history. When I competed for the title in Palm Springs in 2004, Captain America stood by my side during the top five on- stage question. Florence, who also hosted that year, glided over, radiant in a silver gown, and as she purred his name into the camera I knew Captain America was a goner. After that, he arrived at every Mrs. America hosted event looking for his special lady friend, once going as far as trying to get her to skip out of a reception and catch a Vegas show with him.  For a split second I stood on stage and allowed myself to imagine the horror the crowd would feel if I dove off the stage, a blur of black lace and tulle and full body tackled Captain America as if reenacting a scene from the World Wrestling Federation.

 I am happy to report that the preliminaries went off with no causalities and that I was allowed to co-host the entire event, something I was sure would not happen if I left the stage at intermission. The stage was beautiful and my co-host, writer, Bill Harris, was a blast. The crowd seemed to have a good time, but by far, my personal highlight was Florence coming up and hugging me at intermission and telling me that I did a great job. She said she had to do a double take when I came on stage as she absolutely did not recognize me. Do you think I should be concerned that no one recognizes me with my hair styled and face made up? I was going to dismiss the thought until the next morning, as I appeared in the lobby in my usual disheveled state and a contestant’s husband walked up to me and asked, “Didn’t you host the preliminaries?” The look on his face was that of a man who suddenly understood the meaning of the old pageant saying, “smoke and mirrors.” Fine America, point taken!