MY (BELATED) NEW YEAR’S NON- RESOLUTIONS
Journal Entry January 5, 2016:
What will I do with my new year?
Will I fill the pages of the brand new journal I start every January 1 with a
list of new resolutions only to later add it to the stack of old journals with
unfulfilled resolutions from years past. NOT THIS YEAR! I will no longer
participate in the tradition of preserving in writing a list of my year’s
upcoming failures. But, because I am nostalgic I will share with you, my four
faithful readers, a list of a few repeat offenders from new years past.
I resolve to work out more, eat
less and return to my Mrs. America fighting weight.
NAH! I am old. In all honesty I
never imagined I would live to be this old. I wrote my first Last Will and
Testament at age nine. My parents thought my fixation on my own demise made me
a tad morbid but I just thought myself prepared. I gave away my top bunk, my
pet rabbit, my collection of Little People toys and my paper plate Santa Claus
with the cotton beard. Having far
outlived my own perceived life expectancy I feel I have earned the right to be
lazy, fat and well fed.
I resolve to find a job that I
enjoy.
I have always said that if I ever
paid of my student loan debt that I would be done with the practice of law. Be
careful what you wish for! I recently paid off my student loan debt and true to
my threat; I went in search of greener grass on which to work. I began to
reflect on the things that made me happy hoping to parlay one of those
interests into a new career.
I found that I like to watch
marathon episodes of Swamp People on the History Channel. I approached Troy
Landry at a fan event and discussed with him my idea of his newest cast member
being a former pageant contestant in high heels. He was still laughing as I
stomped out of the front door of the sporting goods store.
I also like to drink wine. It
appears that there are jobs ordering wine, selling wine, pouring wine, writing
about wine and even stocking wine; however, I can’t seem to find anyone who
wants to give me a job drinking the wine.
And so, running out of ideas, I
went to Barnes and Noble and bought one of those personality assessment tests
that is guaranteed to guide your career choices. I answered page after page of
questions based on my educational background, dominant personality traits and
transferable skills. Then I scored my test and turned to the last page for
results. I’m not sure what I expected the results to show but it appears that I
am qualified for a career as an over-the-road truck driver, a toll booth
operator or some other form of solitary employment that has minimal reliance on
mathematical ability. A lawyer it is!
I resolve to take more time for
myself.
I don’t even understand what the
hell that actually means. Who else would I take time for if I was taking time
for someone and what do I do with the time once I take it? So far all of the
“me” time I have taken has amounted to nothing more than me soaking in a bath
tub, drinking wine and taking a stupid personality test that told me I have
ZERO marketable skills. If this is what people mean by self-reflection I think
I’ll pass.
I resolve to write in my journal
every day.
Judging from this my first entry
for the New Year which was not written until the 5th of January I
think I can safely say that that ship has sailed. Hey! Maybe this year I will
resolve to blog more than…….
